You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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