bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
