Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
