Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
