i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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