what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
