I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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