I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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