Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
