you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
