You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
