Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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