thus making me awesome and them whores
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
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If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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