my shit smells like andre
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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