I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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