I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
