He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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