We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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