Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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