I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
