Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
