I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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