So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Two words: blizzard sex
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
