Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
