I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
