I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
