Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
