I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
