my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
