I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
