yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize