Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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