oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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