yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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