Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
