Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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