I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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