I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
