If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
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The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I supernannyed him into submission
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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