mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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