I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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