ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
