Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
