Can i not drive my cunt home
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
