how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You were trust falling into bushes
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
