I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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