I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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