Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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