I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
