Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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