I'll bet she douches with gravy.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
