atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
