If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
