I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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