R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
