If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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