please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
