East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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