I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
