i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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