OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
