We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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