totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
