I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
