So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
