look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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