We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
