um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
