I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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