well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
