I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
