I wish I could teleport
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
