Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
