party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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