Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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