It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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