I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
