It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
