good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
